Meeting the Riyad family

 The day for Azhar’s family to visit came around very quickly.  Kalsuma’s sisters and mother were thrown into a frenzy of cooking and cleaning.  Her family had long discussions about the dishes that they should prepare, the type and number of dishes and how they would cater to Azhar’s veganism.  Her mother’s house was turned upside down.  Every corner dusted and every sofa and cupboard moved. The laminate flooring underneath was wiped down. The vases were replenished with fresh flowers, the day to day cushion covers removed and the special covers taken out from storage. The wall coverings were washed and rehung on the wall, the crochet pieces made by her mother many years ago were brought out and placed on the coffee tables and on the dining room table.

 All the bedrooms were tidied and made presentable.  The bedspreads from Bangladesh taken out and stylised.  The small bedroom was vacuumed voraciously because the carpet in there was stubborn.  It attracted dust which clung to it making it seem as though there was a soft layer of greyish feathers sitting on top of the pile.  Cleaning this carpet took a lot of physical energy and determination.  Kalsuma’s family always talked about changing the carpet, but it was one of those things that always found itself at the bottom of the priority list until you were the one with the vacuum in hand.

 

The kitchen cupboards were wiped down and the particularly difficult cupboard with glass doors was finally organised so that it didn’t reveal a mess of china, sweets and spices, but showcased their best collection of Moroccan tea glasses and china tea cups.  These collections were from the travels made by Kalsuma and Sumaya.

 

The garden was the biggest monster that needed tackling.  However, Ashfaque who loved gardening, was happy to take charge.  He removed all the weeds from in between the concrete slabs, trimmed the trees, cleaned the gutters, and brushed all the dirt away, finishing with power washing the patio and repainting the garden furniture.

 

Ashfaque was her mother’s third son-in-law and the husband of Ruhina. Kalsuma’s mother tried to stop Ashfaque from helping in the garden, because she did not want his mother to get wind of his activities. Ashfaque’s mother was forever watchful of her son and made sure he did not overstep the boundaries of proper conduct for a son-in-law. She was afraid her son was behaving too much like a son to Kalsuma’s mother.

 

“I hope your mother-in-law does not get wind of his gardening antics”, Kalsuma’s mother told Ruhina, “all hell will break loose and your mother-in-law will be over here taking jabs at me.”

 

“You nor I asked Ashfaque to help out,” Ruhina reminded her mother. “Juned Bhai said he would clean the garden, but Ashfaque loves gardening. His mother knows that.  If she has something to say, I will be sure to put her in her place.”

 

Ashfaque’s mother lived with his sister and she hated this fact, because she believed she should be living with her only son Ashfaque. Daughters were to be given away and sons were to be lived with. Ruhina and Ashfaque had had an arranged marriage but had moved out of his mother’s home too soon according to his mother, and this was a sin she would never forgive them for nor forget.  It did not matter that Ruhina and Ashfaque lived neither near her mother or his and visited and assisted both mothers equally. In the eyes of Ashfaque’s mother he was always too close to his in-laws and too helpful to his mother-in-law.

 

The front door at Kalsuma’s mother’s house was dusted, wiped down and painted.  This job was claimed by her second brother in law Shoaib, who wanted to take part in the preparations in some way and did not like being upstaged by Ashfaque or Juned.

 

Khadijah, her eldest sister lived at home with her mother and her two daughters in her mother’s house. Khadijah’s daughters were thirteen and eleven years old. Ruhina and Saleha had one child each. Ruhina lived locally with her son who was the same age as Khadijah’s younger daughter. Saleha lived a ten-minute drive away and had one son who was six years old. Khadijah’s daughters were called into house cleaning duties too. They had to grudgingly wipe down windows and doors before they managed to escape to their iphones and ipads.

 

Kalsuma didn’t think her house looked this clean for as long as she could remember.  The house was buzzing with excitement and the thrill of the possibility of a wedding had turned everyone’s minds.  Kalsuma had to hold back her family and remind them that it was only a first visit and she had had several of these over the years, where the guy came home to meet her and her family, so there was no guarantee what would happen afterwards.  Her family were optimistic though. 

 

Khadijah said, “this time his family are liberal, they don’t care that you don’t wear a headscarf and that you live and work away from home and have travelled so much, so this can only be a positive.  The two of you have already met and have been speaking for a month so surely it will all go well.  In the past we had the house visits before you were able to speak to the groom over phone or meet privately, so you have an advantage here. Now you need to keep a positive mind”.

 

“I understand that,” Kalsuma told her, “but his parents may not like me so we shouldn’t get too carried away.”

 

“We aren’t getting carried away and there is nothing wrong with being positive and optimistic”, Saleha added. She was always the most positive in the family being the liveliest one out of the sisters.

 

Kalsuma was worried for herself about how she was going to get through the day, meeting Azhar’s whole family, when it was only their second meeting and then the worry about her family’s hopes being raised by this potential relationship. Her family had cleaned, cooked and prepared for the visit of potential grooms before, but this time it seemed different.  They had placed a lot of faith in this match and she did not want their hopes and faith to be frustrated.

 

Azhar’s family’s visit was on a completely normal day. It wasn’t distinguished by weather or an omen or pre-empted by a dream her mother or Khadijah had. They tended to have dreams which predicted events before big occasions but this time they didn’t see anything.

 

Azhar bombarded her with messages on his journey to her house, telling her every ten minutes how far away they were, what his nephew was doing in the car, how excited his nephew was to see her and how many service stops they had had to make. 

 

“I have never been to Leicester before and I am so excited to see the city you grew up in,” he told her in one message.

 

“You are going to look gorgeous today,” he said in another message making her blush.

 

“I cannot wait to see you,” he wrote in another message, asking her for selfies. She refused and teased him saying, “you will have to wait and see, be patient monsieur”.

 

His family arrived on time, in fact they arrived quite early and were given tea and snacks to begin with.  Her family had prepared vegetable samosas, vegetable pakoras, handesh, vermicelli, Bombay mix, chicken kebabs with flat bread and salad, Bangla style pasta and other snacks.  Tea and snacks were to be served first after which they would serve dinner.  Since Azhar’s family had come all the way from Bristol, and as it was their first visit to Kalsuma’s house, they needed to be treated with the most particular hospitality.  There were at least eight main dishes prepared for the main meal; a mutton and potato curry, tandoori chicken, vegetable biryani, prawn bhuna, fried Rohu maach, an Ilish maach curry, Aar maach and Rupchanda bhuna. It was the latest trend to prepare a variety of at least eight dishes for occasions such as these.

 

Only the biggest fish could be cooked and served at such an important event and though they were aware that Azhar was vegan, the family decided it would be best to present the traditional array of sumptuous fish and meat dishes. Smaller fishes such as Keski  maach or shutki were not suitable for such an occasion nor were any kind of bhaji’s but Kalsuma’s family had to consider Azhar so they prepared a mixed vegetable bhaji, dhaal and a fried aubergine dish specifically for him. The biryani which would usually have mutton or chicken was also adapted so that it was suitable for his diet.  Everyone had come together and made the dishes, Kalsuma’s mother leading in the kitchen with Juned, Khadija, Ruhina and Saleha supporting as sous chefs. Juned, who loved cooking and was the main chef at his own restaurant, did soon take over the kitchen.

 

While Azhar’s family had their snacks Kalsuma prepared herself in her room.  She tried on several outfits and felt that they were too wide and made her look swamped. These were Anarkali dresses which had long and flary tops that were almost floor length with small slim trousers underneath.  Why did she always buy these Anarkali suits she wondered?  She didn’t have a single salwar khameez, one of the slim straight cut dresses that were knee length with a slim trouser.  Finally, she asked her Ruhina if she could borrow one of hers.  Ruhina was kind enough to bring a dress from home.  It fit Kalsuma perfectly.  It was a slim knee length top of golden beige with red neck embroidery and the trousers were plain golden beige.  Next, she needed to do something with her hair.  Kalsuma decided to wear it in an updo. As this visit would be an analysis of her appearance on the main part, she would need to dress up as though she were going to a party.  She put on her makeup carefully and steadily and completed it with her customary smokey eye look which she had perfected over the past year from watching inspiring Youtube tutorials.

 

The most frightening moment was walking in with one of the dishes for dinner.  She felt nervous, not because she was going to see his family for the first time but because there was going to be a crowd of people. Azhar’s mother, father, brother Waqas and sister in law Poppy and nephew Polosh were all sitting around her dining table eating snacks.

 

Kalsuma was confident about her appearance despite being criticised on her looks from many sources. She was lucky in that the comments made by men of her culture, relatives and friends never had scarred her into becoming insecure about her skin colour.  In fact, she loved her skin tone and didn’t understand why others failed to see the beauty in it or why they preferred fair complexions.  She didn’t believe she had model-like looks but she knew she was pretty and with a little makeup to fix her flaws she could look better.  Kalsuma was happy and secure enough with her looks not to feel inferior to fair skinned girls or other pretty girls she encountered.

 

She saw Azhar’s face light up as she entered, and he gave a wide smile in appreciation of her appearance.  His brother nudged him as he continued to stare at her as she held the bowl of dhaal and wondered where to place it on the heaving table. He blushed because he was caught staring at her. Kalsuma tried not to look at him or smile.

 

His father was quite an intimidating man.   He was dressed smartly in a fairisle jumper and plain light trousers.  As she walked in, he observed her with his lazy eyes in a way that left her feeling uncomfortable.  Kalsuma tried not to think too much of it as people stared at prospective brides with a strange intensity reserved for such a moment when a woman was appraised, as they considered whether she was beautiful enough for their son, however this man’s gaze was a little outside this searching look and more predatory. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she felt a little more than the usual discomfort of being under scrutiny by unknown elders.

 

His mother’s gaze was hard to judge.  She appeared unimpressed, not disappointed but not curious either.  She gave an uninterested glance her way.  However, she half smiled at Kalsuma and told her “esho ma, please sit down and join us”.  Kalsuma declined politely and asked them to enjoy their meal.   Azhar’s brother and sister in law seemed friendly and gave warm smiles.  Khadijah’s husband Juned was in the room along with her mother.  Juned instructed her, “Kalsuma, you can set the dhaal here,” as he removed the raita which had accompanied the biryani.

 

“This is Azhar’s mum and dad”, Juned said, “say your salaam”. 

 

Kalsuma said salaam to them, not being able to touch their feet for blessings as she might have been expected in a normal introduction, because they were sat around the table and it wasn’t physically possible. 

 

“This is Azhar’s brother Waqas”, Juned continued, and “Azhar’s Bhabi Poppy and nephew Polosh, the little one.”

 

Azhar was still beaming at her, he looked radiant with excitement and happiness. He glanced at her and winked which instantly made her felt reassured and less uncomfortable.  She may have chosen this old-fashioned method of meeting a partner for marriage, but she had made a good choice she thought.  He was a good egg.