“Our second son works as a manager in a bank and his wife is a Nurse. She is here with us of course. Our fourth son is at university and my son Juber as you know has completed a law degree”.
It was a chance to display the successes of her family and Mrs Islam was not one to let go of an opportunity to list each of her children’s occupations including professional titles or what she understood of them. She wasn’t one of the more staunch mothers who would not have shied away from mentioning which university her children had attended being knowledgeable about University league tables and the prestige attached to particular faculties of higher education. Mrs Islam wasn’t an egotistical woman but she discussed her children’s occupations and achievements as much as any other family or mother would coming from a Bengali household; with a certain amount of pride and with the simple satisfaction of saying her children were educated. It did not really matter whether that education was at College, University or anything more than secondary school.
Of course Mrs Islam did not mention that Juber had been struggling for three years to get a job within the field of law and was working at their family restaurant growing restless as each day went past nor that her second son was in fact an assistant manager and not the manager at all but those were minor details that could be ignored as no one cared for the small print at meetings such as these.
Her husband was not as concerned with the pomp and glamour of having an apparently high achieving family and did not really understand quite what making a good impression entailed either. Therefore, he decided to add in his usual spontaneous style, “well our eldest hasn’t been to university or anything. He lost his job a while ago and has been drifting about living on job-seekers allowance”. As an afterthought he added, “He doesn’t really know what he is doing”, and continued to absent-mindedly sip his tea.
Mr Islam’s casual confession caused an awkward pause in the large living room filled with members of the Islam and Uddin family, not that either family went by their surnames as strictly as western families did since not every member of each family shared one particular surname. Mr Islam only had one of his sons take the family surname forward while his other children had various surnames which had been picked because they complemented their first names or sounded pleasant. In fact Mrs Islam should be referred to as Mrs Begum as that was her real surname and Mrs Uddin should be called Mrs Nessa. It wasn’t compulsory for Muslim Bengali women to change their surnames post marriage as it was neither an Islamic or south Asian custom. So in truth the gathering comprised of a cluster of Islams, Uddins, Begums, Nessas, Alis and a Bibi – Mr Islam’s youngest daughter.
However, it was a very important occasion, one which was viewed with utmost gravity since the families had gathered to view each other as potential in laws and consider if their two familys’ values and behaviours would be a good match. So making a positive impression was even more important than when making an impromptu late night visit to the house of semi-distant relative that hadn’t been seen for a long time but while driving past their house it was deemed appropriate to pop in and remind them that they were cared about and often provided a chance to compare how far each had progressed in life since their last meeting.
Hence Mr Islam’s remarks quickly needed steering away from, easily carried out by Mrs Islam’s hasty “well, our youngest is studying to be a nurse, she’s a very clever girl. Aren’t you my darling?” She smiled at her youngest child sitting next to her and gave her husband a look of exasperation. He didn’t take notice of her annoyance and merrily began a conversation about Mr Uddin’s garden which was clearly flourishing, something he’d noticed through his careful examination of the area through the living room window, and asked what kind of vegetables the Uddins were growing this year.
The rest of the family members were sat around the two sofas sharing a smile once or twice and trying to pry information with subtlety. Mr Islam had brought his wife, the son who was to be married, or rather the potential groom, his Nurse daughter-in-law and his youngest daughter another nurse in the making. While present from the Uddin family welcoming them were the parents and Mr Uddin’s two eldest daughters, both successfully married. The Uddin’s middle daughter who was to be ‘viewed’ was currently in the adjoining second living room hopefully having a modest and productive conversation with the Islam’s son during the ten minutes they would be allowed to speak to each other in this initial visit.
This arrangement of sending the potential bride and groom to a separate room so that they could ask any questions without reserve, talk openly without scrutiny and determine whether they enjoyed each other’s company was very reluctantly agreed to by the elders. In days gone by the potential bride and groom would only be allowed to speak to each other in the presence of their families during their first meeting, and it was an idea families in general were very reluctant to let go of. Hence agitated looks covered the faces of the groom’s mother and even the father once his attention was diverted from the garden. It seemed to them that the girl and boy had been alone for too long a time and perhaps someone else should join them.
Mrs Islam after finishing a conversation about the variety of illnesses she suffered remarked to her daughter in law, “Hassan’s mother, you and Amina should go to the other room too and speak to the young lady. You haven’t had a chance to speak to her. You young people must have a lot of things to discuss.” She gave a levelled look at her daughter in law which clearly meant ‘go and see what they are up to. My son has been alone in there for too long’.
Before the Uddin’s elder daughters Shefali and Parul could interrupt, the Islam’s daughter in law and daughter swiftly left the room barely managing to stay balanced on the immense high heels they had donned for the occasion. Mr Uddin’s eldest daughter Parul swapped a quick glance with her sister and both decided it was time they too joined the couple in the next room who in actual fact had only been alone for five minutes. The girls finished serving the desserts and were about to leave the room when their mother asked for the paan platter to be brought for the guests and asked for the teacups to be cleared away. Cursing their mothers timing both girls set about carrying out their mothers orders.
Luckily as the younger daughter Shefali had the task of taking the cups to the kitchen she took the opportunity to head next door and examine what was taking place there as she hoped her sister was not being interrogated by the female members of the Islam family while she sat alone without support. After another few minutes Mrs Islam began to fidget further and it seemed to the Uddins that she too may try to join her son in the next room. Seeing her restlessness Parul decided to hold the lady in conversation mentioning how wonderful it was that the Islams allowed their daughter in law to continue working after marriage as that was indeed very considerate and liberal of them. Mrs Islam exclaimed in between bites of paan “there are not many families like mine who excel in every way from education and looks to manners and we are also very liberal and open minded!” Parul hid her smile by half turning her face and replied “well I wouldn’t put it quite like that. There are many families with every member well educated these days as the trend for education has really taken hold.”
Struggling to maintain Mrs Islam’s attention, to Parul’s relief it wasn’t long before Shefali brought the younger Islams back to the living room along with the son. He shyly walked in and sat near his sister barely managing to look at where he was going. “My son is ever so shy” said Mrs Islam proudly, “he was so nervous about coming today he asked me to view the young girl myself as he said he would be happy with any girl of my choice. In fact his very words were what would I do there mum? It will be enough for me if you and bhabi like the girl!’ she ended with a supremely pleased laugh at her sons trust and devotion to herself. “Well of course I insisted he must come, for I said my son what purpose would it serve if I liked the girl, when you are to spend the rest of your life with her, you must come and see if you like her yourself”. Her face beamed as she smiled at her son who continued to look down, now his face slightly more reddened after his mother had revealed what he had asked of her.
To the Uddin daughters it seemed like forever before the Islam’s decided it was time to leave and started to make a move. Mrs Islam was all a flurry exclaiming how lovely it was to meet the Uddins and Mr and Mrs Uddin assured her they too felt the same sentiments. The daughter and daughter in law remained poised and exchanged careful aloof hugs with the Uddin’s daughters behaving as though any closer contact might brush of their immaculate make-up or crease their designer clothes, while the boy nodded and smiled and quietly walked out with his family.
Once they had all left the Uddins sighed closing the door behind them and gathered in the living room. For a few seconds everyone remained silent reflecting on how the evening had passed and each considering what they thought of the boy and his family. After a few moments Mr Uddin, who was given the name Shafiq at birth but was known as Abba in his family, called for his younger daughter to join them. ‘Shefali’ he addressed his second daughter, ‘tell Mahi to come down, let us see what she thought of the boy.’
Mrs Uddin interrupted, ‘No let her have some time to relax and think. We should complete our prayers first and discuss the matter over dinner’.
As the parents left to prepare for the evening prayers Shefali and Rupa went to join their younger sisters upstairs.
It was a chance to display the successes of her family and Mrs Islam was not one to let go of an opportunity to list each of her children’s occupations including professional titles or what she understood of them. She wasn’t one of the more staunch mothers who would not have shied away from mentioning which university her children had attended being knowledgeable about University league tables and the prestige attached to particular faculties of higher education. Mrs Islam wasn’t an egotistical woman but she discussed her children’s occupations and achievements as much as any other family or mother would coming from a Bengali household; with a certain amount of pride and with the simple satisfaction of saying her children were educated. It did not really matter whether that education was at College, University or anything more than secondary school.
Of course Mrs Islam did not mention that Juber had been struggling for three years to get a job within the field of law and was working at their family restaurant growing restless as each day went past nor that her second son was in fact an assistant manager and not the manager at all but those were minor details that could be ignored as no one cared for the small print at meetings such as these.
Her husband was not as concerned with the pomp and glamour of having an apparently high achieving family and did not really understand quite what making a good impression entailed either. Therefore, he decided to add in his usual spontaneous style, “well our eldest hasn’t been to university or anything. He lost his job a while ago and has been drifting about living on job-seekers allowance”. As an afterthought he added, “He doesn’t really know what he is doing”, and continued to absent-mindedly sip his tea.
Mr Islam’s casual confession caused an awkward pause in the large living room filled with members of the Islam and Uddin family, not that either family went by their surnames as strictly as western families did since not every member of each family shared one particular surname. Mr Islam only had one of his sons take the family surname forward while his other children had various surnames which had been picked because they complemented their first names or sounded pleasant. In fact Mrs Islam should be referred to as Mrs Begum as that was her real surname and Mrs Uddin should be called Mrs Nessa. It wasn’t compulsory for Muslim Bengali women to change their surnames post marriage as it was neither an Islamic or south Asian custom. So in truth the gathering comprised of a cluster of Islams, Uddins, Begums, Nessas, Alis and a Bibi – Mr Islam’s youngest daughter.
However, it was a very important occasion, one which was viewed with utmost gravity since the families had gathered to view each other as potential in laws and consider if their two familys’ values and behaviours would be a good match. So making a positive impression was even more important than when making an impromptu late night visit to the house of semi-distant relative that hadn’t been seen for a long time but while driving past their house it was deemed appropriate to pop in and remind them that they were cared about and often provided a chance to compare how far each had progressed in life since their last meeting.
Hence Mr Islam’s remarks quickly needed steering away from, easily carried out by Mrs Islam’s hasty “well, our youngest is studying to be a nurse, she’s a very clever girl. Aren’t you my darling?” She smiled at her youngest child sitting next to her and gave her husband a look of exasperation. He didn’t take notice of her annoyance and merrily began a conversation about Mr Uddin’s garden which was clearly flourishing, something he’d noticed through his careful examination of the area through the living room window, and asked what kind of vegetables the Uddins were growing this year.
The rest of the family members were sat around the two sofas sharing a smile once or twice and trying to pry information with subtlety. Mr Islam had brought his wife, the son who was to be married, or rather the potential groom, his Nurse daughter-in-law and his youngest daughter another nurse in the making. While present from the Uddin family welcoming them were the parents and Mr Uddin’s two eldest daughters, both successfully married. The Uddin’s middle daughter who was to be ‘viewed’ was currently in the adjoining second living room hopefully having a modest and productive conversation with the Islam’s son during the ten minutes they would be allowed to speak to each other in this initial visit.
This arrangement of sending the potential bride and groom to a separate room so that they could ask any questions without reserve, talk openly without scrutiny and determine whether they enjoyed each other’s company was very reluctantly agreed to by the elders. In days gone by the potential bride and groom would only be allowed to speak to each other in the presence of their families during their first meeting, and it was an idea families in general were very reluctant to let go of. Hence agitated looks covered the faces of the groom’s mother and even the father once his attention was diverted from the garden. It seemed to them that the girl and boy had been alone for too long a time and perhaps someone else should join them.
Mrs Islam after finishing a conversation about the variety of illnesses she suffered remarked to her daughter in law, “Hassan’s mother, you and Amina should go to the other room too and speak to the young lady. You haven’t had a chance to speak to her. You young people must have a lot of things to discuss.” She gave a levelled look at her daughter in law which clearly meant ‘go and see what they are up to. My son has been alone in there for too long’.
Before the Uddin’s elder daughters Shefali and Parul could interrupt, the Islam’s daughter in law and daughter swiftly left the room barely managing to stay balanced on the immense high heels they had donned for the occasion. Mr Uddin’s eldest daughter Parul swapped a quick glance with her sister and both decided it was time they too joined the couple in the next room who in actual fact had only been alone for five minutes. The girls finished serving the desserts and were about to leave the room when their mother asked for the paan platter to be brought for the guests and asked for the teacups to be cleared away. Cursing their mothers timing both girls set about carrying out their mothers orders.
Luckily as the younger daughter Shefali had the task of taking the cups to the kitchen she took the opportunity to head next door and examine what was taking place there as she hoped her sister was not being interrogated by the female members of the Islam family while she sat alone without support. After another few minutes Mrs Islam began to fidget further and it seemed to the Uddins that she too may try to join her son in the next room. Seeing her restlessness Parul decided to hold the lady in conversation mentioning how wonderful it was that the Islams allowed their daughter in law to continue working after marriage as that was indeed very considerate and liberal of them. Mrs Islam exclaimed in between bites of paan “there are not many families like mine who excel in every way from education and looks to manners and we are also very liberal and open minded!” Parul hid her smile by half turning her face and replied “well I wouldn’t put it quite like that. There are many families with every member well educated these days as the trend for education has really taken hold.”
Struggling to maintain Mrs Islam’s attention, to Parul’s relief it wasn’t long before Shefali brought the younger Islams back to the living room along with the son. He shyly walked in and sat near his sister barely managing to look at where he was going. “My son is ever so shy” said Mrs Islam proudly, “he was so nervous about coming today he asked me to view the young girl myself as he said he would be happy with any girl of my choice. In fact his very words were what would I do there mum? It will be enough for me if you and bhabi like the girl!’ she ended with a supremely pleased laugh at her sons trust and devotion to herself. “Well of course I insisted he must come, for I said my son what purpose would it serve if I liked the girl, when you are to spend the rest of your life with her, you must come and see if you like her yourself”. Her face beamed as she smiled at her son who continued to look down, now his face slightly more reddened after his mother had revealed what he had asked of her.
To the Uddin daughters it seemed like forever before the Islam’s decided it was time to leave and started to make a move. Mrs Islam was all a flurry exclaiming how lovely it was to meet the Uddins and Mr and Mrs Uddin assured her they too felt the same sentiments. The daughter and daughter in law remained poised and exchanged careful aloof hugs with the Uddin’s daughters behaving as though any closer contact might brush of their immaculate make-up or crease their designer clothes, while the boy nodded and smiled and quietly walked out with his family.
Once they had all left the Uddins sighed closing the door behind them and gathered in the living room. For a few seconds everyone remained silent reflecting on how the evening had passed and each considering what they thought of the boy and his family. After a few moments Mr Uddin, who was given the name Shafiq at birth but was known as Abba in his family, called for his younger daughter to join them. ‘Shefali’ he addressed his second daughter, ‘tell Mahi to come down, let us see what she thought of the boy.’
Mrs Uddin interrupted, ‘No let her have some time to relax and think. We should complete our prayers first and discuss the matter over dinner’.
As the parents left to prepare for the evening prayers Shefali and Rupa went to join their younger sisters upstairs.
Comments
Post a Comment