Hello You

She didn’t realise when it was that he came to stand there but suddenly she noticed he was a few metres away standing at the next bus stop staring into the distance with his white ear phones on, pensive expression and hair styled back into a rough pile on his head. 

She wasn’t sure if she should approach him and her sister and niece were standing next to her as they had just returned from a shopping trip.  She had longed to see him for so long, she didn’t think she could let this chance go.  She walked a little to the left and went behind her sister so that she could hide herself but get a good look at him.  He hadn’t noticed her and was facing the direction from which the buses came.  After a few moments of deliberation she decided she must go and speak to him whether the response was positive or not.  If she didn’t, who knew when she would see him again?

She stopped thinking about her sister and niece and what they would think as her mind began racing with questions to ask him as she planned how she might greet him after all this time had passed.  She murmured to her sister that she was going to speak to a friend and hurried over, worried that his bus might arrive and he would leave. 

She walked up beside him and stood next to him without saying anything imitating the way he used to approach her in the past.  After a few seconds she shuffled a little more into his vision, which was when he caught sight of her from the corner of his eye and turned around to face her with a look of disbelief while a slow smile crept over his face.

“Hello you”, he said looking down into her eyes as he removed the ear phones.  She stared at him and his smile and felt herself become warm from the tip of her toes to the top of her head.  She had missed that very smile for all of these months and until now she hadn’t realised how much it meant to her.  She smiled back partly in relief that there was no awkwardness between them and partly in excitement and satisfaction of seeing him.  A sense of peace came over her. 

He moved his arms, about to stretch them for a hug but she suddenly remembered her sister standing under the bus shelter. “I can’t”, she whispered gesturing towards the bus shelter.  “My sister is here with me and her daughter”.  She giggled as his arms dropped instantly at the mention of her family members and his eyes grew wide. “It’s okay though”, she reassured him, speaking quietly so only he could hear, “I’ve told them I’m going over to speak to a friend”.

“So, how are you?” she asked after a pause.

“I’m well,” he replied smiling again probably remembering their familiar conversations which began like this, “how are you?” She couldn’t help smile back at him, “I’m okay I suppose…” She laughed  thinking of the thousands of times she had imagined this moment over and over in her head and not once had imagined it would be so proper and reserved.  In her fantasies she thought she would run into his arms and he would sweep her up into a firm embrace and kiss her on her cheeks like he did that last time they had met.  She thought they would be lost in each other’s embrace and promise each other never to part again…but here they were perfectly calm and talking like they were neighbours who passed each other every day and not two people who had vowed never to speak to each other again.  Or at least she had vowed to herself that she wouldn’t contact him.  She had no idea what had stopped him from getting in touch.

“Have you been shopping then?” he asked continuing the perfectly polite conversation.

“Yeah. My sister and my niece wanted to get some things for Eid, so I asked them to join me in Leicester.”

“Leicester?” He asked raising his eye brows, “what are you doing there?” He had studied and lived in Leicester.

“I work there now”, she laughed. As he narrowed his eyes, she smirked “No. I’m not stalking you or at least you’re past.  I just happened to get a job there, and so I am there now and yeah I asked sis to join me for some shopping.”

“It looks very much like you’re stalking me”, he said with an ironic smile.

“How are things with you then?” he asked again and she wanted to chuckle at the fact that his questions had not changed.  He would never ask have you met someone else but would always question in a round about way without mentioning anything directly.

“Nothings changed.” She said matter of factly as her face darkened remembering the reason they had decided to part ways. “I’m not with anyone.  And you? ”

He didn’t say anything for a moment and went quiet.  That was when she realised.

Nothing may have changed in her life and she may have been living in the bubble of her day dreams struggling to come to terms with their separation but obviously for him life had changed.

“You’ve met someone?” She asked, her voice steady, while her heart raced with the knowledge that he had yet hoping he would prove her wrong.

He didn’t say anything as he seemed to struggle for words.

“Oh.” Realisation dawned on her.  Perhaps he hadn’t met anyone new, perhaps what she had feared all along was true, that he had decided to return to his first love.  His only love.  The girl he had met at university and the girl he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  He mentioned her several times and more often than needed as far as she could remember, and he even had a picture of her on his phone, three year after the broke up.  When she had questioned him about it he had denied having any feelings, but clearly his feelings for her had been and were still strong.  So finally he’d listened to her advice had he she mused even as her heart sank with the knowledge that he never was and never would be hers.

“Are you back together with her?…Your ex?”  Nothing in her voice betrayed the emotional storm that was raging through her lungs making it difficult for her to breath, while the blood raced to her head gushing and pounding making her feel almost light headed. She used the familiar phrase which he would repeat referring to the only girl that he had ever liked or been in a relationship with.  He called all the others dates, and only she was singled out as having been in any way meaningful for him.

“I’m sorry” he said looking down and averting her gaze.  She stared back at her sister realising she was spending too much time here with him when she was supposed to have come only to say hi.

So she had been right. All his pictures and messages on the statuses were about her.  She had had her doubts but now it was all clear.

She took a deep breath.

“Hey, that’s really good”. She said which made him jolt his head up to face her. She touched his arm in reassurance. “I’m glad you’ve finally accepted that you still love her and I hope you do make it work this time.”

“It’s not like that” he said, “we bumped into each other recently but it’s not like I was carrying these emotions all along.  I really cared about you”  She smiled at the irony that he was still denying what had been obvious to her.

“I know you did. But caring is not loving or we’d be in love with everyone we care about.  It's good that you have realised though. At least it isn’t too late. Perhaps having me as a rebound helped” she quietly laughed trying to make light of the situation.

“No. Don’t be silly!” He exclaimed. "You weren’t a rebound, and also you haven't allowed me to finish.  I met her yes but she is still with the same guy she left me for"

“Oh I see", she did not know what else to say.  In the end he had very little choice in this situation like herself. He wanted someone but she didn't want him back.

Just then his bus arrived and looking for a way to escape, she said "ah your bus is here".

I’ll get the next one he said but she shook her head, no l've got to get back to my sister, she’ll be wondering what’s taking me so long. She started to turn back to her sister, wishing her bus would turn up right now too, so she could get as far away from here as possible.

As she tried to go he held her hand and stopped her. "Don't go", he said softly